“You’re all characters from books!” Harry’s first words once the shock had worn off. “Is this some kind of mad cosplay event… are you all Larpers… have I been kidnapped?”
“Yes, we are, Harry, no, not cosplay, we are not Larpers any more than you are.” It was a male voice from behind him with an American accent. “And no, not kidnapped. You are also like us, a character from a book.” He walked up to Harry and presented his hand. “Huckleberry Finn, but you can call me Huck.” Harry shook the boy’s hand. He seemed very mature for someone Harry thought was about 15 years old. “I expect you’re thinking a lot of things right now, and all those questions can be answered. That’s the easy part of this adventure,” he smiled and sat down in one of the chairs.
“I’m a character in a book! I don’t think so, I mean I had an adventurous childhood, but I’m not a character.” He was now thinking maybe they were mad, method-acting cosplayers at this point under the influence of some class A drug, and was getting a bit worried.
“Are you a wizard, Harry?” Gimli spoke.
“Well, yes, I mean I was, but I don’t have my wand anymore, but, of course, I never really was. It was a character I played.”
“You don’t seem sure either way.” Said Gimli.
“Well, this is confusing. I live in a flat, I have a job, there’s no magic in it.”
“I have a wand here, Harry, want to borrow it?” Gandalf passed him a stick adorned with runes and carvings. “I don’t have one myself. I prefer this.” He patted the ebony staff resting across his legs.
The next 10 minutes or so are a little embarrassing as Harry took the wand and went through all the spells he thought he knew, and even a few he shouldn’t. It’s best to use your imagination to picture a frustrated should-be wizard dancing around, thrusting a stick at everyone else in the room and eventually cursing in very unmagical ways. You could even try acting it out with a chopstick or a knitting needle. It’ll be more fun than I can describe here.
Eventually, he sat down and put the wand on the table. “That’s not a proper wand,” Harry said.
“Yes, it is, Harry, and I should know. I made it.” Harry hadn’t noticed, but others had entered the room and amongst them was a face he knew.
“Olivander! How are you here? Did they kidnap you as well?”
“No, no, no… I was one of the first he conjured. There have been many others since, some of whom you’ll see today, some who are gone”.
“He conjured? What do you mean? Who’s he?” Harry walked over to Olivander and embraced him. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed his friends from the book. Olivander smiled and hugged him back.
“Ahhh, now we are getting to the right questions,” Gimli shouted, stuffing more marshmallows in his mouth.
“I think so,” Gandalf said, and stood up. “Let me introduce you to some of the rest here, Mr Potter, while you allow everything you’ve seen and heard to sink in a little, hmm.” He proceeded to point to new people who had entered the room, “Alice, from Wonderland, Peter Pan, Dracula… don’t worry, he’s harmless… and you don’t have any blood anyway… The Doctor… a complete arse, King Arthur, Captain Nemo… oh and ‘The Batman’… he’s quite intense that one, if he even speaks at all”. He looked around the room, “There are a few missing and Death never comes to the meetings.”
“Death!”
“Yes, from the Terry Pratchett books, but not quite. Death’s a bit unique. He’s possibly the driest character I’ve ever met,” he chuckled. “Mind you, next to Batman, he’s a belly dancer.”
“So how is this possible, I mean why… and what do you mean I don’t have blood?”
“Well, the purpose will come out in the Council of Characters meeting, CoC… it’s an unfortunate acronym, but as for blood, we aren’t human, Harry, none of us are, so we don’t have blood”.
“Not human! I mean what the fuck am I then…” He would have argued more, but somewhere in his brain, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“One second. Gimli, do you have a knife?”
“And my Axe!” Gimli said, spinning around and smiling broadly.
“I don’t want your bloody axe… just give me the knife”. Gimli handed Gandalf a dagger from his belt. “Every fucking time, luv, really?”
He grabbed Harry’s hand, turning it palm up, “Hey, what the hell are you…”, Gandalf’s grip was firm. He quickly ran the sharp blade across Harry’s palm, opening a wide gash. “What the fuck!”
There was no blood.
“Hmm, yes, now wait, and watch”. The wizard let go of his hand, but Harry didn’t move. He could see strands of something filling the gap and knitting it together.
“Paper?”
“It is, yes, we are all made from a complex type of paper. You’ll be fully healed in a few moments.” He sat back down. “It’s pretty robust stuff, fairly indestructible, bar fire. Fire will ‘kill’ us.” He lit his pipe and inhaled. “But some things are worth the risk,” he smiled.
“So is everyone here like this?”
“Yes, some are happy to be here, in the real world. Others less so. They just don’t fit. While I enjoy it here, I find myself always a stranger, hard to fit in dressed like this”.
“Can’t you just change?”
“No, not all of us can. It’s unclear why.”
“Can’t you just use magic?”
“Can you? As you discovered, it doesn’t work here, not for us anyway, and not in the way you’d imagine it.” He drew heavily on his pipe. “I know you’ll have many, many questions, but there are a few more new additions, so I’d say hang on for them and let this sink in before the moot gets underway.” Gimli came over, and Gandalf handed him back his knife before getting up and walking off.
“Lots to take in, Harry.” He passed him the flask.
Harry took a deep swig. ”So why does this work, the whisky I mean? It goes straight to my head, with no blood?”
“We aren’t sure. Some things act as they should while other things don’t, but you can’t get drunk. You’ll only feel the sensation of it for a moment, but you have no blood, so it will burn through your system.”
“So I’m just reacting to the description of the item?”
“Exactly! I taste firewine, you taste whisky! Now come on, the meeting is about to start, lots more answers there.”
“Or questions,” Harry said.
“Exactly!” Gimli Chuckled.